Home alone and feeling a bit lonely at the moment...

My husband flew to his hometown on Saturday morning to deal with matters related to our retirement home. He will return at the end of February, leaving me at home feeling lonely, worried, and sad for various reasons. Maybe it's just hormones.

I've been contemplating early retirement and dedicating my days to helping my husband with his business, taking it to the next level. I discussed this with my husband, and he asked me to wait for his return from his trip to discuss and plan further. Lately, I've been a bit dramatic...

As much as I love my career, it's been taking a toll on my health, and I've realized I have symptoms related to anxiety disorder. I worry excessively, feel nervous, and experience unnecessary panic attacks every day, making it challenging to sleep at night and leaving me feeling tired every day. It doesn't seem worth it at all. What's worse, sometimes I feel like people dislike me and think I'm foolish, which makes me feel worthless and useless.

There are times when I contemplate walking away from it all, just quitting, and other times when I'm highly motivated and want to prove that I can excel. It's all quite confusing, and things become scarier when my husband is not around because I have no one to turn to, no one to share my emotional burden with. It's only day 2, and I already miss him so much. Talking on the phone doesn't help because all I want is his physical presence around me. :(

I was looking for my laptop charger just now and couldn't find it. I suspected my husband had stored it somewhere, and it made me extremely frustrated because I couldn't locate the charger. I left him some rude WhatsApp messages out of disappointment. He also didn't call to check on me the entire day, which added to my frustration.

I was also trying to back up all the photos from my travels on Capture because the app will be discontinued in Malaysia, and the slow progress stressed me out!

Today has been a really tough and sad day for me. :(

Fararerarera - The Whatever Blog & Some Takeaways From 2017

I've just set up a new blog that I've named "Fararerarera - The Whatever Blog." I decided to delete my old blog because I no longer felt like maintaining it; it had become rather boring.

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on what transpired in 2017. It was undeniably a challenging year for me, filled with unexpected and spontaneous trips that I thoroughly enjoyed. The year proved to be challenging primarily due to my job loss, which left me feeling scared and helpless about my career prospects, particularly the prospect of having to restart and endure job interviews, which I despise.

Alhamdulillah, I managed to navigate through these difficulties. I even secured a position at one of the top international insurance broking firms before my last day at my previous job. Subsequently, after six months of feeling unsatisfied with tasks that didn't align with my interests, I joined one of the top ten international reinsurance firms.

Speaking of my current career, I must admit that I'm genuinely excited about it. This month marks my third month with the company, and I'm still a work in progress. I'm constantly striving to learn and adapt to new things, processes, compliance requirements, terminology, and company culture, all while striving to minimize errors.

I've never had to work as diligently and tirelessly as I do now.

During this journey, I came across two verses from the Quran and the Bible that have given me hope and I'd like to share them here.

I have decided that from now on, in everything I undertake, I will place my trust in Allah, for He is the best of planners. May happiness, contentment, and success always be with us.

Since I shared quite a bit about career-related lessons from 2017 in my first post, I'll focus on different topics in my next entry.

Until then.